Crabbage Snatch Open - Skirmish Patel

Skirmish Patel

what you rooking hele fol, foor?

The Woeful Tale of Skirmish Patel


I have a lovely bunch of coconuts! My name is Skirmish Patel and I live by the railroad tracks. Every day I sit here beside myself wondering why a man called Evil has to play these tricks on me. In my cuntry, where I cum from, there are such men, but we do not know where they cum from either. So, I tell you this, if a man is Evil and his name is Evil, than how can that be so? I tell you I am beside myself in this regard. My convenience store is a mere cunthair away from these people and still they want more from me. In this cuntry I have met my bride, she is promised to me you know, and a perfect wife she will make. I cunt bereve it!

Skirmish Shah Patel


Oh, Skirmish,

Suck pleasure it is to hair from you again! Ever since you cum to America, one can hear all the male prostitutes of Madras singing their lamentations, I tell you! I think perhaps that your mpeg (or is it shortpeg) file got caught in the folds of your Nehru jacket when you sent it.

It was always infinitely easier to get even the widest of cracks between your buttcheeks than ever to open this misbegotten file you have sent us! Better it would be perhaps, for you yourself to hold it open with both hands, and depress the "Send" button with your nose! Get into that yoga position you used to work your way through engineering school in Calcutta, man!

Our work visas will all expire before ever we open this thing! Perhaps, while we look over your shoulders, you could personally cum to each of us and do the fingering even onto each of our keyboards yourself. I know from experience that Evanesh Shlapdash Fingh would go for that!

Yours in Vishnu,

Limpdeesh Veejay Shlongpie


Oh, lovely Limpdeesh,

There is much to grope over now that we have found each other today. I was saying to myself only yesterday, what a profound experience America is, to we who charish the cow's loin. You need no introduction to these sessions of which we speak. Navgareesh himself is a latent whore of a dog who wants nothing more than to suck the pus from one's own festering sores. He is an excellent example of the need to be ever so much in touch with the ways of our new cuntry. Butt, let us not forget the ways of the old one, Mareesalkamesh, who is cuntinuing to forge a new beginning in every whorle he finds. In this regard, I am so happy to have found you again. Please do not be a stanger to my place of cuntentment.

Mr. Patel


Dearest Skirmish,

I am thinking most fondling of you always. If only culture allowed, I am sure you would welcome the fetid breath of the whole male subcontinent of India on the back of your neck! Such ingenuity you use, to get your butt plugged almost as often as if you were back in the fashion district of Bombay! You are an example to us all!

Surely having our good friend Bambidesh Bennegar around helps you maintain your ability at intercourse with your native tongue! Do not allow yourself to forget to check your stocks of facial tissue before you allow him to touch your genitalia with his left hand! Many a man's simple chafing became the most painful of inflammations by simply forgetting where Bambidesh's hand last was!

Give my best to Maresalkamesh and Navgareesh. (And you won't have to remind them to swallow, I can tell you!)

Limpdeesh Veejay Shlongpie


Oh please, no, no, I can not accept these irrational explanations of our involvement. What is it we used to say in our old cuntry? "A simple life is to be fondled lightly". Ah, yes, Limdeesh now that we have renewed our vows to be free men, a slight shadow is cast by these accusations. What is a cuntry to do when these things happen so often and with more regularity than a bleeding woman. I tell you our good friend Marsheekesh and his beside him self brother Navgareesh are both accomplished at this toil. Now I must attend to my store as a customer now has arrived with money in both hands and a smile for my new wife, approaching with great strides! Looking forward to a time and place where no cow is beat for it's undercarriage,

your boosum buddy

Bambidesh Patel and cousin Skirmesh Shah Patel
and wife Blossom Bindari Shurcuntiling


Bambidesh! Limpdeesh! The Hind-u religion allows for these cumforts. I must question, however, whether or not it is permissible for Bambidesh to add humps to the camels. And I do not recommend that Limpdeesh use the spent camel hair to pick his teeth after your fondlings any longer. It is akin to sucking the spoliations out of the sheets of a two rupee whore. Besides, you could get one caught in your throat during an earthquake.

With a stiff collar.

Your friend,



Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

I have just witnessed Blandtblohpal's herd of goats scatter around the corner and up the alley. It was frightened stampede. The last animal through had but a two step lead on Blandtblohpal and the look of fear on its face made one think of the time Marsheekesh cornered the gerbel in Bambidesh's robe. Blandtblohpal would have caught the poor ram buck except he stumbled due to the trousers at his knees. Once achieving a clear distance, the animal stopped and furiously licked his hole of Pakistan and vomited. As he wretched, Blandtblohpal recovered and accosted him again. The last I saw, his trousers were at his ankles the ram was on his knees.

Everyone should hang a curtain.



Blandtblopdal Slameesh ?? The very same person who made Indian cuisine a household name in Amerika? I am profoundly happy and respectful of his endurance in these matters of animal behavior. That was not merely his ram goat, butt rather, a slighly deranged and alsways delightful baasheep from the underside of my own goathair. So, now he has found my beloved ram in his forrest. What a stroke of luck for me in this cuntry! I tell you, everything here looks brighter when peering thru Blandtpholbals own forrest and crackery. Oh, please, dew cum in and rest one's own feet at the edge of his great cravass and peer into the darkness with open eyes. Only then will the great spirit of the sacred cow begin to enter your orifice and enlarge your being.

It is true I tell you.

Many regards and simple pleasures my towel head friends

Mr Patel


Oh de ways of de story my fdiends. Please to not listen to lies of me and de animal fdiends. Navagareesh speaks with de mouth full of de sacred cow dung. Deese lies are spread by none other dan Bojksalamikum. Yes it was he who would bounce me upon his knee and read to me de Krabba Sutra. It was a bony knee and vedy much not where a knee should be. I ran like the winds of New Delhi during the curry festival. Please to ignor his lies and chant with me now...ommm...ommm...omm...omoo ...mooo...oooooo!

Yurs in bad hair unity,



Ohm no, no, no, no, no!

Now Streektundees Hackeet is airing his dirty laundry again. On such a hot day it is only a small matter of time before his stains turn from solids to liquids and start dripping on the sidewalk below. The flies will start gathering which in turn will inevitably attract Ghungie Tombackhole. In no time we will be overrun by fleas, cockroaches and snaggletoothed British health ministers pretending assist with the infestation who, in fact, are doing no more than looking for fresh samples in which to insert their probes. Ghungie's presence will be of no alleviating effect as he has been packed so many times he has taken on the nickname "Deepak Cookie".

Hackeet is so stupid he doesn't know a turban from a turbine. He might as well stick his head in airplane engine. May he choke on the dungbeetle of Calcuntta in his sleep for bringing such plague upon us.



Oh, my good friend Bangpee Patel,

How right you are again, to joyfully point out that Marshphal and Brundtee surely didn't get that chafing on their knees by tumbling from a Jungle Gym in Madras. They've been spraying so very much Unguentine on their open sores, that a drop of two must have caused a great singeing on their naughty bits, no?

Butt, no matter their trevails, they are always the gayest of fellows, I must say.

Mootshakh Impyngee


Dr. Bambeezadik Patel,

As you can certainly see on the wideo I am sending, your latest designs for train safety are simply the finest ever.

Our passengers are learning very quickly to awoid any unsafe areas in our coaches.

We cannot speak more highly of you.

Mudjhark Singh

Minister of Movements, FK

Crick hele fol video


Please, Dr. Singh,

Your video has sparked a great debate amongst my colleagues. We were wondering, if a man were to cross the road, and find butt only one shilling to have a meal with, would it be his last meal? It appears to be the case in this film. This man was clearly interested in testing the limits of the system, without the proper safety measures involved. These are only some of the many questions we have regarding your latest transmission.

I expect that you will want to resolve this situation with a resounding FK. Here, here. We accept this approach, either in the rears, or after your point of insertion. We do not care much either way. One more time, we must insist on all safety measures during the insertion.

We hold you in the highest esteem,

Dr. Bambeezadik Patel
Specialist for Muddy Rails
Bungholia, FK

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