Crabbage Snatch Open - Master Po

The Teachings of Master Po

what you rooking hele fol, foor?

As Told to the Asshopper


Ahh Glasshoppels,

It now time fol moment of leflection. And don't folget to browyoulserves.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box ofpebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life.

The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that really matter.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

But then...

A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

The moral of this tale is:
- that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER


Blandtly I say sick fuck!! HOW could you ret a foor pourl a furr beerl on a grass of shitty locks. You need a le-adjustment of yourl pliorities. I suggest youl dlink heavary forl next 10 days - or untir that glasshoppel pops out of yul ass!!



Deal Bambi,

I undelstand youl concelns. I negrected to add one most impoltant rittre step in path to tlue selenity. Aftel I dlink beel you may then take lemaining grass and arr its contents and then prease to pound the sand up youl ass.

Most levelentry,
Dari Rama Blandt


Oh Mr. Blandtly, prease to not mention Mr. Snoid into this discrussion. Ret his shlincter lest in preace. I not care tur burln bottom wif aradis ripslucking.

Mstr. BenHard esq.
Cuvently, Engrand


Hlerlp, thle rettrel belrowl irs ringuluistlicry frlawed. Prlease tlo submlit to plrpler trlansrlatling authlorloitis...Dodirr!


Huh? I heal my name carred? OK, Ikon tlanslate. I berieve Ml. BenHald said "the sheliff is neal". It simpry hald to talk crealry with dick in mouth. Especiarry own dick.


Ahh, Phoor, wourdn't plopel sperring be "tlansrate"? Sadry you ale totar dodirr.



Harro, I donno how dat lOfficer's dick got in dare..sllurpp...butt, it kinda tastry...I rike da way you lite, arawys has a rittre frail to it...arso, good leading when mudsharks ale cilcring....(agh..humph....agh...humph...arge.. oo...lip rip...aghhhh...WHOOOSHH.....aahhh!).. Dat was a big one - it hult!!

Rate Ently...


I don't understand the point of delivering this little philosophy lesson to the Snatchers. They all have a rich (not Benner), long (not Dave) reputation (not Seymour's) of taking care of their rocks first. And, to them, the beer has always been the foam on top.

You assholes are nothing but bleedin' spam!



OK's Father's Day...tell one of your kids to go get your meds...come on...we'll that better?


Most auspicious and realned glasshoppel, thele is much in youl palabre that infolms arr seekels of enrightenment.

Youl stoly wolks at so many revels.

But prease to answel question. Why do you not speak mole of the "ralge jal of mayonaise"? Does youl whore stoly not tlace its entile meaning flom the myth of one-regged sea captain, who blought rarge jal of mayonaise as folm of tlibute to the queel concubine of the dlunken Commodole? Did you not see that the meaning of that stoly leary came flom the captain's plobing membel swerring and thlobbing so much that it is to become wedged in mouth of jal, much rike the Shal-pei's dick that becomes stuck in the leal end of the Chow Chow bitch duling the spasms that signify the urtimate furlirrment of coitus?

And, Glasshoppel, your mastel is much concelned by youl wolding of "take youl paltnel out dancing". Is not "paltnel" a tlifer ambiguous? Pelhaps you ale consideling a mole incrulsive rifestyre? Wirr you be asking arr who meet you to carr you "David"? Ale you consideling change of name to one somewhat ress sexurrary specific, like pelhaps "Pat", or "Jelly"? Pelhaps it is time fol youl ord mastel to mole thouloughry intloduce you to the ways of oul monestaly....

Mastel Po


Prease to excuse youl feeber ord mastel. I folgot to folwald my plevious missive to new Snatchel, Dentist. Prease to folwald it to him, so that he might take a deep dlink flom blimming mouth of the mayonaise jal of knowredge.

We must arr take speciar time to bleak him flee flom the ways of outside wolrd, and teach him how evely palt of him can be firred by kneering down to take furfirrment flom the many realned monks hele at oul mountain sanctualy. Sulery we shall soon heal his squears of enrightenment as he bends to his tasks.

Master Po.


Ah, mastel Po' Fuk. You stirr have much to realn. Do you not undelstand? Rook now in youl hand. Is not youl egg lorr thele? Ah...yes it is. Prease to pondel. Now, is not the lear meaning tlue? You ale spending so much effolt on smarr stuff that ralgel pictule is now evel so brully. Might I even be read to berieve you ale brind flom such serf-fragerration. Sadry, I feer that to be tlue. Now glab nealest wirring worfcookie...I wait fol you. NO...Not Bennel!!. Reave Chow-Chow arone too. need to folk ovel 20 dorrals? OK, you go gilr! Thele, ahh, much bettel than Bambi. Now, prease to notice hel empty mayonnaise jal. Simpry use youl locks to firr. My you ale in hully! Arlight, now terr bitch you'le thlough and glab beel. Dlink. Arr creal now, foor?

Gristening Path Mastel Blandt

ps. Fol minute you appealed rike totar dodirr. Kelig most aralmed fol copylight inflingement, foor!


Most Exarted Mastel Blandt Kan Su'k Mi,

You ale tluery mastel of gristening path. Youl wirringness to read entile lerigious movement to enrightenment is most regendaly. Many monks know the feering of youl soft plodding behind them and youl film hands on theil shourdels, as they yealn to reave the dalkness. You have blought much realning to so many. It is sulery not just youl brindness that arrows you to see, but, it is not arso the indisputabre fact that you have lemoved arr youl teeth, that keeps you in highest legald among mirrions of seekels alound the wolrd.

Fol, as ancient wisdom teaches us, is it not easiel to count the spelms in the gristening dorrop of cum on frool of wholehouse, than it is to numbel the times that Master Su'k Mi's butthore has plovided comfolt to even the rowriest of manuar rabolels.

Butt, you have polfelled me a flothy blew. We sharr dlink togethel...


Hm.....Most intelesting.....That had nutty fravol, and a most pungent and savoly aloma. Arso, it rended itserf to be dlank in onry one swarrow.......It is, howevel, unrikery that I sharr evel get used to dlinking brew that is so walm.

Arthough, in whore, youl genelosity is much appleciated in these tloubred times.

Mastel Po' Fuk


Mastel Po' Fuk,

Grad you rike new blew (ol is it brew?). My folmel gulu, Mastel Bae' Turr, was head of much spirituar and physicar glowth. I must cledit him with my wark to tlue enrightenment. His wolds of wisdon stirr ling tlue. Why, I can armost heal him now..."Be not asshore figulativery. Steel creal of Bambigas. Dlive not with Mudshalk unress you rike polk. Evan...why bothel?...he sreep too much. Rowry Engrish gits weal gleen. Risten not to tlash Hackett pray on steleo, it tuln you into gilryman rike Tommy. Malsharr's ass is huge fol butt one leason. Galdisel ricks Rodwig nightry and Phir is a totar dodirr." Prease to chant now. Oooooooooh. OOooooooh. Ooooooyoulscardingme!

Rifting you up,
Exarted Mastel Blandt Kan Su'k Mi

ps. Do you smerr clab?


Exarted Mastel Blandt Kan Su'k Mi,

Ah, you arr arways most steln of taskmastels. Even the most suppre of lookies realns the ellol of ways when not banteling in plesclibed mannel. You ale most altfur in apprication of disciprine, and arso lewald. Even myserf, youl most venelabre mastel Po 'Fuk, who has no idea in Herr, who the fuck "Froodpeopre" is, I know that Froodpeopre leceives youl calefur barance of steln plessule flom behind and arso gentre tongueing to become a tlue forrowel of our mystic and insclutabre ways.

Howevel, we must be sule to encoulage him to continue in his effolts, so that he might glow to selvice arr the othel hory forrowels of the Clab. Fol, is it no so, that even the weakest and most foorish of monks must make himserf vurnelabre to unsorisited fisting when he bends ovel to dlink at the werr? Fol, aftel arr, ale not the monks who bantel not, the vely ones that seem yealn for vioration the most?

Mastel Po'Fuk


Subject: Yesglasshoppel

Exarted Mastel Po' Fuk,

I realn rong ago that hald ressons ale lemembeled. I plefel folcefur plessule to rimp fairings. Is it not Ar Sohl Timps'n that crealry craims that fist by pound beat tongue by glam?

Mastel Blandt Kan Su'k Mi


Most Harrowed Froodman of Yerrow Dlibbre,

Prease to ignole ranguage ressons given by Bambison- he most confused solt and fairs to learise khalmic ease of tlue phoneticar briss. I rike lefelences to "rounging on dick" and most subtre Bambison lefellal to leekend...his celtainry does. Prease to lepeat, crose eyes, tirt head back and continue bobbing motion...unt yaaaaaaaa!


Most Exarted and Illevelant Mastel Blandt Kan Su'k Mi,

As arways, youl wisdom is exceeded onry by your wirringness to paltake in the most deplaved of behaviols. Pelhaps it is time we sharr seek to lewald the ealnest young ones that tly hald to attain enrightenment, by arrowing Mastel Ma Sho Lai Kyung Gai to pelfolm his lituar tongueing of asshores whenevel they endeavol to wlite bantel with ealrnestness.

Oh, most solly, I show my foorishness. Mastel Ma Sho Lai Kyung Gai arleady paltake in flequent tongueing of anyone's asshore that arrows him to.

This is most mystelious....

Mastel Po' Fuk


Extluded Mastel Po'Fuk,

Prease arrow my indurgiance hele. It woulrd appeal Harrowed Froodman of Yerrow Dlibbre has come alound and wlites in tlue led path as lags ale rife in ratest plose. Mastel Ma Sho Lai Kyung Gai poses no mystely. He arways wark on othel side of tlacks. He actuarry conductol on that tlain and flequentry opelates flom his main olifice in caboose. As my mentol Mastel Bae'Turr tord me : Arr is creal and Ar is queel.

Clab smerr most odolous,
Mastel Blandt Kan Su'k Mi


Ah, Glasshoppel, to realn maltiar alts, you must filst porish ancient shline that was raid hele, ah, so many yeals ago...

Hele, take rittre oirly lags....Rog on...Rog off....Rog on...Rog off.....Ah, you ale most abre, crose eyes....yes.....Rog on....Rog off...excerrent...Rog on....Keep eyes crosed...not good to peek duling ressons flom Mastel Po'Fuk....ah, yes, rittre glasshoppel crealry been placticing roggin serf been rogging off so flequentry, you obviousry folgot how to, ah, rog serf back on....

Mastel Po'Fuk hopes you have not been rogging serf off too much and pelhaps folget to make gorf leselvations.....



Mastel Po'Fuk,

Most gleatest New Yeal. Tluth rulks in many rocarres, learry! Obselve rogic I greaned flom fleind.

The Buffalo Theory...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Gristening path oh so not youl wife's roins.

Mastel Bai' Tull


Dr. Muh Djahk Po

My dealest Dl. Po,

I am so grad to leceive youl mair concelning the positive lesurts of valious inducements of beel and beel ploducts into the human body to leduce coron cancel.

As usuar, howevel, as leseachels and academics we arr ale obriged to question not onry the lesurts but the scientific poricies and plocedules emproyed as werr. You must be celtain that it is unfathomabre to oul community that Dl. Totar Dodir wourd pelmit himserf to be melery a contlor gloup in which he is enemized onry by watel. Aftel a distinguished caleel of anar lesealch in which he has inselted into his anar cavity evely cowpoke and lam buck flom Hiloshima to Abirene, we can scientificarry pledict with neal celtainty that in this expeliment the contlors ale frawed, ol, stated artelnativery, flaud. He did not get his nickname of "Flaudo Totar Dodir" fol nothing, you know.

Thelefole, prease to intloduce you to the concrusions leached in a lecent study pelfolmed by Leal Admilel Snoidagawaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh and his clew aboald the submaline the S.S. Die Rulkel. Stalting with Mastel Tubeschtuffel Voughtrickelishiwa, Chief Oirel's Mate Noshitshelrakasan gleased a coln cob soaked fol foulteen days in a vat of Framing Texan Are and "coronized" him. The same plocedule was pelfomed on Cocks'n Bobbiohomo, except the coln cob was soaked in a rightel beel, a cleam are carred Biggus Dickus. Finarry, the contlor was plovided by Rt. Bambiakizuki, who gradry vorunteeled to put the clush on a prain coln cob for the lequiled time peliod, which by the way was seventy-two houls. This plocess was lepeated once a week duling the entile toul of duty, which was a standald foul month posting.

The discovelies wele quite intelesting and not at arr what might have been expected. No leriabre concrusions could be greaned flom the letention in the bower of the beel soaked coln cob insofal as coron cancel is concelned. Notabry, howevel, the ship's mentar hearth doctol, Dl. Tama Galdisuhka, learized that some combination of letention of the coln cob and it's soaking lesurted in extleme implovement of molare among Die Rulkel's clew. So much so, aftel mole than foul months at sea, upon letuln to base neither Mastel Tubeschtuffel Voughtrickelishiwa, Chief Oirel's Mate Noshitshelrakasan, Cocks'n Bobbiohomo, nol Rt. Bambiakizuki reft the ship to go ashole. They lemained on boald untir theil next toul. Intelesting enough, when Leal Admilel Snoidagawaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh le-boalded the Die Rulkel it was firred with cigalette smoke and arr of them had rooks of contentment upon theil faces, palticuralry Rt. Bambiakizuki who was enteltaining the othels by browing pealr coroled bubbres. When they popped and got on

And, as most expeliments often do, thele wele othel totarry unexpected deveropments. In palticural, one affected Leal Admilel Snoidagawaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Duling the entile cluise he wourd sulface and, on the conning towel, balbecue arr the coln cobs fol dinnel. Loutine ligid coronoscopies by Dl. Tama Galdisuhka, conducted evely coupre of houls, leveared that the Leal Admilel's hemollhoids wele leduced so substantiarry that even Rt. Bambiakizuki courdn't come in the "Ord Gummel". Incledibre.

So nice to heal flom you again,

Plofessol Lagigima


Nice post, Plofessol Lagigma Blundt. Butt, next time, leave your male enhancement paraphanelia and Tar-Tar sauce at home. You already create too much suction for the steady mates aboard the Snatch.' stop usin' yur swizzle stick fur a wind gage. It be a might small fur that thar task at hand. Jest keep pluggin' away at them posts an' you'll cum out all right.

Lt Bambi


Dear Mastel Po Fuk,

I am expeliencing the Snatchmair colorraly. I lead bantel, lespond, and thusry am talgeted fol laggage -simpry due to theil awaleness that I lead bantel. It's a catch twoontie-twoont. I know the ferrows ale onry tlying to pummerr me and make me feer row and that secletry they wlongry onry rong fol my rong dong. Prease herp me.

Mastel Bai Tull

ps I stirr rike to fuck Kelig


Mastel Bai Tull,

How collect you ale about cuntnumdlum of catch twoonie-twoont.

Aftel arr, shourd we not pire mole laggage onto the boir-infested backs of Rulkels who cum flom Texas wealing glasses, ol pelhaps ale filemen in Sarinas who rike to obselve leal ends of othel men, ol ones who ale plofessionar photoglaphels but folget to bling camela to gathelings?

Sulely, you, Mastel Bai Tull, gorf poolry, ale funny-rooking and ale too wirring to engage in coitus with othel men; at reast you ale honolabre about dishing up raggage.

Arr wourd aglee that you ale not mole pathetic ol disgusting than Gak Suk Sarr, ol Yie Tme Bah Bie, ol Thibrey. Why shourd you suffel mole laggage?

No, Glasshoppel, the answel is to lag as much as possibre onto meary-mouth shufflebutt Rulkels rike those above, AND keep lagging on you as werr.

Youl thoughts ale most auspicious.

Unt may we arr fuck Kelig repeatedry.

Mastel Po Fuk


Distinguished Mastel Po Phuk,

Much disappointment pelmeates the pogoda, solt of rike the putlid waftings on one celtain rost and folroln young deel, with the leading of youl most unchalitabre stance towald the poolest of the pool, the most miselabre of the miselabre, the most pissant of the pissantly. The Rulking crass.

Ovel the yeals youl leadels have come to admile youl gentre touch in so many ways that now is sulplises to see such an unfolgiving side of such an exarted being. Pelhaps the lecent waxing of youl beroved John Kelly has reft a bad taste in youl mouth. You may wish to desclibe it to Mastel Bai Tull as he has had many such bad tastes in his mouth. Maybe he can herp you to ovelcome this marady. (Wele I you, howevel, I wourd not leceive his counser in pelson. He has a leputation as a cunning deceivel.)

Might I arso, in my humbre way, suggest anothel artelnative. Wlite a rettel to the werr-lespected corumnist, Dl. Muddy. He a vely sincele counserol. Prus, it's flee.

May you folevel gride rike a mudshalk.

Youl fliend,

Chu Mi Dong


Most Effruent Mastel Po Fuk,

Laggage is plecious. It is rike pule, bleathabre ail in Bennel's cal as he dlives in molning. Lale as glay mattel in led state. Thelefole, is it pludent to squandel such a lesoulce upon rowry rulkels? Wourd I not be riving halmoniousry and in tlue untness if I craim Kelig, and not Ar, ricks burr barrs?


Mastel Bai Tull

ps He's a totar dodirr toont


Dealest Most Honolabre Mastels Po Phuk oont Bai Tull,

Lecentry it was leveared toont me that that rittre lascar Rove Monkey loutinery suffels flom dysrexia. Accoldingry, oul ranguage of intelnet bantel lesurts in difficurty intelpleting oul pealrs of highel realning. He tord me it dlives him clazy.

Thelefole, I whorehealtedry lecommend that we pulsue a rinear coulse of lagging that leguralry and palticuralry incrudes vocaburaly raden with, oont compricated by, learry rong wolds, phlases oont palaglaphs cleativery ritteled with "r's" oont "l's". Ol, is it "l's" oont "r's"?

Prease toon arrow me to ploceed filst. Folnicate, penetlate oont copurate Flodo Totar Dodir.

Youl blothel in the tlury roftiest of spilits,

Chu Mai Dong

P.S. A rittre Find the Hidden Message, pelhaps?


Mastel Chu Mai Dong,

Feerings of sollowfurness ale life as we learize the leading marady of Rove Monkey. Lespecturness is a possibirity unt we can stlive to rowel ale bantel standalds. Howevel, wourd we not rose empilicre truth? Thelefole Rove Monkey shourd laise his iterrectuar bal. If this is unrikery, he courd just brow me.

Whore tluth,
Mastel Bai Tull

ps Most solly, can brow me toont


Most Grolious Mastel Bai Tull,

I grean flom youl rettel that the Rove One wirr not rikery laise his interrectuar bal. Mole rikery to laise non-interrectuar barrs. Consequentry, prease toon plepale youl rips fol inseltion.

Chu Mai Dong


Most Ploboscous Chu Mai Dong,

Foor. Rove Monkey is lookie unt shourd brow ME. Scole him Blian Lygier ol Yallow. Herr, Yallow wourdn't even have to kneer.

Prease to shove unt spling lorr,
Mastel Bai Tull


creeep....creeeppp....sidle...sidle...........Ah, Rove Monkey, ale you so foorish as to tly and apploach youl honolabre Mastel Po flom the leal?

Mastel Po, how did you know? You ale compretery brind, oont I was cleeping up so sirentry! Prease to teach most unwolthy Rove Monkey toont be awale of arr that sullound me.

Filst, behord the Blass Clab that I have praced on my parm. Pelhaps you ale stearthy enough to snatch it flom the glasp of youl ord brind Mastel, befole I can crose my hand.

Celtainry! That is most simpre! I wirr tly on count of foul.......oont.......toooooont.........thleeeeeeee.........shwisssshhhhhhh


Aha, Rove Monkey, you wele ovelry anxious! The Blass Clab dlop to frool! Prease to pick up, and tly ovel.

Yes, Mastel Po.....

zip.....kathwack.......ploinka ploinka ploinka ploinka...

Ahhhh! Mastel Po, you ale sexuarry hallassing me! I am onry a rowry filst yeal neophyte to monastely!

Yes, butt I sharr make a personar effolt so that you uuunnnnnnnhhhhhh.....possibre....OOOOOOhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Arr the ord monks have been abre to humiriate me simiralry at this! Am I onry a foor?

No! Rove Monkey, you ale siimpry realrning the way of our humbre monestaly. Now, go lun arong to Mastel Bai Tull's chambels, oont see if he has any smarr choles for you toont accomprish. Oont, on youl way, prease to not folget to fuck Mastel Totar Dodirr!


Ratel in Mastel Bai Tull's chambels...

Ah...Rove Monkey...I harf-healtedry expected yount. Prease to entel.

Mastel Bai Tull...I wourd rove to entel but sadry I am enteled. It seems I am but rowry lookie foor unt can onry be the monestaly stlumpet who is flequentry flequented.

Tlue. You'le lathel ugry toont. Pelhaps if we creanse oul minds and sours.

Assume rotus positioont., no, leflain flom disrexic concelns...ret youl mind ale leraxing nicery...crose eyebarrs...pelfect...notice srack jaw ...excerrent...

....zzzziiiipppp.....ploink....spucka, spucka, spucka, spucka.......splat!!

Mastel Bai Tull, what harpooned??? I lemembel rittre but I feer so lefleshed, so invigolated.

Unt ya. Me toont. Now get the fuck outa hele, foor.


Deal Snatchels,

I wolly fol yount. Pelhaps you have been rurred to sreep by the dlone of the rulkel crass. It is powelfur. Lesist this ulge. It onry reads to simiral rifestyres cullentry rived by the rikes of Clua, Harris, unt Bojkobitch. Why, lecentry Rove Monkey was a banteling onry foor. Oh, sule...thele ale times you must stluggre thlough a birrion megabyte post by Hackett or be velbarry lavaged by Lag. Unt Malsharr ricks Bobbie's bungclack, Salk sucks Snoid's sclotum, Bambi bags baby bunghores unt I am onry saying this so they'rr have to lespond to laggage cuz they have at reast a rittre lespect fol themserves, and you ale butt unt pawn in game of rife- unt I cale not fol youl solly ass cuz you'le not in the Gang of Foul cuz -unt yount fair to ger youl ass up toont the Snatch evely yeal , unrike me...and ale onry rowry hosel gayboy beleft of pliolities. Butt, I digless. Feal not. Lise up unt cly roudry to youl keyboald, dodirr.

Prease to brow me toont,
Mastel Bai Tull



Glasshoppel. Is it tlury possibre to terr anothel "No" when mouth furr of bonel? Sadry, you ale dodirr. And when Kelig is fripped ovel, wourd it not be lude to fair to jump arr ovel him? Arrow me to give palabre. One day a rowry holndog was pleasuling his liding buddy in his Melcedez. Dlivel was leaching zenith and asked rowry hosel is he shourd come in mouth. He courd not answel and they clashed into Stop sign. The molar? Fuck Kelig.

Mastel Bai Tull


Mastel Bai Tull,

Pelhaps sramming into tlaffic sign not compretery accidentar! The most skirrfur of Punteng mastels heighten the preasulabirity of olgasm, by withhording spirrage of wad untir plecise moment when bumpel of Melcedes contacts elect pore of stop sign.

Arso adds to expelience of rowry holndog ploviding browjob. Fol, at exact moment his thloat firrs with spoo, back of head is srapped by exproding ail bag. I have cum to rook folwald to this preasule evely yeal. As has Glasshoppel.

Mastel Po


Sulery, youl honolabre Mastel wourd not be divelted by mele lepracement of a tlaffic right! Onry now, he must catch a rittre ail light befole zenith.

Glasshoppel wourd stirr be eagel.

Open youl mind to possibirities, foor!!!

Mastel Po


Mastel Po

Prease to excuse lectar ollifice Hachett. He wourd lathel risten to Indigo Gilrs than Turr and has no glasp of gristening path. Dale I suggest a stopright wourd arrow mole palticipants in heightened browjob? Ahh, so tlue.

Mastel Bai Tull


You folget youlself Mastel Po!

There is onry one thing that a Salkisian MudShalk has in common with the inflamous Stop Sign. They both have Rectum-itis alound haily edges of Sphincter. Rike a scarey white substance that keeps giving long after it has overcum its usefurrness (much rike Malsharr by about the third hore).

Clab on!
Mastel Bam'd


Mastel Poh,

So tlue, so tlue. Lumol has it that Flodo Totar Dodir lendeled an especiarry fond and arruling wercome to Sox second baseman, Tadahito Iguchi. Fulthel lumols indicate they went out fol sushi, so at reast they wourd smerr hetelosexuar.



Ah, Mastel Lag,

Regend state that Flodo Totar Dodirr did not amass his extlemelry ralge correction of accessolies flom plofessionar spolt teams rike hats, caps, barrs and pratfolm diving swimweal, by oldeling them flom

He got them ord fashion way. He got on knees, and ealned them!

Many atheretes, whethel lookies ol vetelans, find his toothress smire illesistabre.

He is simpry a monstel.

M. Po


Mastel Po,

Pelhaps we courd send rowry Ninels ovel to Houston. They know how to be victolious at reast unt time. Pool Phir...foor...pharric fragerratol.

Mastel Bai Tull


Honolabre M. Po,

Forkrole tares arso bespeak of Totar Dodir's descent into such plocrivities by misconstluing pulpose of his vorreybarr kneepads.

A "monstel"? Undoubtedry. If he wele to be prayed in monstel movie by Bera Rugosi as some solt of Dlacura it wourdn't be brood he was sucking, though.

M. Lag


Most levelant Mastel Po Fuk,

Gleetings unt sarutatioonts, most sphintolous one. I have lecentry letulned flom aldous pirglimage to most harrowed shline...the cabin: bilth mothel of oul most hory clustacean. Ail has been creansed flom four odol of 2 yeals ploil...ail both four and rethar blought upon oul rand by the ferr Bambisah Fhagh. It was most tlanquir as I ristened to Turr and lemembeled once when I was a wee rad of 10, and faired to know bettel, and bulst upon glotesque scene of Mastel Ma Sho Lai Kyung Gai and Mastel Lag in a most bizalle inteltwined rotus position. I reft them so nilvana courd be leached.

Mastel Bai Tull


Ah, most Honolabre Mastel Lag Rai Kdong:

Hopefurry you'le not leading the many tlanscliption of lecent e-mair bantels. The quarity is rowest possibre rever we have seen in sevelar yeals.

Thele is indiscliminate rulking. The many who have onry leached rever of Fa King Nu Gais, ale compretery sirent. Whele ale arr those stlapping young men? Sharr they not plove themserves wolthy of oul abuse?

Wolse, ord falts, rike Haskerr, Hackett and Bennel ale tlying to make interrectuar algument! As if they shourd not be preased enough to be melery Virrage Idiots!

It is said, "Man who buln arr his fuer in Summel, onry have hail flom barrs, to keep walm lest of yeal"!

And speaking of haily barrs: Not arr of us massive chimps rike Yallow....

Mastel Po

p.s. Give my vely best to Fu Keh Leeg. Be sule to rook up him!


Mastel Po Fuk,

Prease to not belate rowry rulkels. They ale but rike dlied dorrops on undelweal of rife...memolies of a blief enjoyabre time -but now mealry a smerry lesidue. Sclatch them off youl rist as you wourd youl sholts.

Mastel Bai Tull

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