Crabbage Snatch Open - The Evan Field Hit (the bitch) Parade

The Evan Field Hit (the bitch) Parade

Unt rickme


Speaking of "Fuck Phir", and adding "Blow Me Dave", Snatchers - Need lyrics for the "Fuck Phir, Blow Me Dave" Song, got any suggestions? Like: Benner cut one Lord, oh my God Then he dropped his trow, shot his wad Smelled so bad, Lord, had to run Oh, Lord, Benner cut one. tg


Bobby bought chuck steak
What a dick
Bobby bought vegie rolls
They made us sick
Bobby bought chuck steak
What a dick
Oh Lord, what a dick.


Once a jolly Snatch-man sat til someone filled a bong
In the shade next to an FNG
And he sang as he waited til someone else filled a bong
Who'll come fucking Phir with-a me?

Fucking Phir, fucking Phir
You'll come a fucking Phir with me
And he sang as he sat waiting til someone else filled a bong,
You'll come a fucking Phir with me

Down came a Cabin Boy who decided to just fill the bong
Up jumped the Snatch-man and seized him with glee
And he sang as he tucked Cabin Boy in his tuckerbag,
You'll come a fucking Phir with me.

In screeched Sarkisian, driving in a rental car
Down came the trooper from the CHP
"Where's the jolly Cabin Boy you've got hidden in your tuckerbag?"
You'll come a fucking Phir with me.

Fucking Phir, Fucking Phir,
You'll come a fucking Phir with me
And he sang as he sat and waited til someone filled a bong
You'll come a fucking Phir with me

So, Dave, did I sneak in enough FKs for ya? Huh? Did ya feel those?

You can suck my jolly jumbuck, mate.



O.K. - Remember Country Joe and the Fish at Woodstock?


I Feel Like Im Fixin to Barf Out a Window Rhag.

Give me a F F
Give me a U U
Give me a C C
Give me a Phir Phir

Whats that spell? Fuck Phir } Repeat

Well, come on all you snatchin men,
They fucked up on the shirts again,
The Post Office will say they never came,
Sure as Daves team will go down in flames
So put on the one you got last year
And lets drink a whole lot of beer

And its 1, 2, 3 who the hell yelled fore?
Dont ask me were Snatchin again, up at the cabin.
And its 5, 6, 7, barf out a window tonight
Well, it aint no time to wonder who
Whoopee, no shirt for 22.



(sung to rap shit music label)
Ol' Time Cabin Yule
I been pimpin, I been whorin,
There's a bitch who's been a snorin
Can you see 'im,,, can you smell 'im

He's been makin funny noises,
Butt we can't see what he's doin
Cause he's goin, ,,and he's a cumin.

It's too dark to make him out,
and he smells like a mud shark.
Just keep on bitch,,don't stop that bitch.

His silhouette upon the window,
makes me think he's gettin down,
Ya he's my bitch,,,don't get up bitch.

It's a party down below,
When he blows like Moby Dick,
Then it's over,,,,just roll him over

Paintin' walls and window sills,
with his belly full o' cum
That stinky fish,,, o' what a bitch........


Here' that great Dan Fogleberg hit "Longer Than"

Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean Longer than any bird ever flew Longer than there've been stars up in the heaven Evan has been a dick.

Good God Yall!
What is he good for?
Absolutely nuthin'!
Say it again...


Evan Field was an asshole
He was a good friend of mine
Never understood a single word when drunk But he'll help you drink your wine And it don't have to be a fine wine

Boooooy, he's a dick
Aaaaand such a prick, now
He likes fishin'
In the deep dark bung
Face covered with dung


Sung to that famous Michael Jackson tune:

Brundt, the two of them need look no more.
They both found what they were looking for.
Starting just above the belt,
Hands reaching for the welt,
Now he's got a gooey pelt.

Lick, off, 'Ho.


(Kristy Can't Get No) Satisfaction

I can't get no...Satisfaction
I can't get no...Satisfaction
When Evan comes into the bedroom
And he's tryin' this
And he's tryin' that
But I just can't feel a thing
Cuz all he's got
Is this pencil dick
The same as some 4 year old.

I can't get no...
No, noo, no.
Hey, hey, hey!
That's what I say!


To that famouse Vanity Faire song:
His thumb goes up
'Tween Bambi's thighs
No tootsie roll
Blocks his brown eye.

Brundt, Brundt, Brundt, 'itchin' a ride.


And don't forget this Zep classic...

There's a gay boy in town
Loves glitterin' brown
And he's buying the rearway
Of Evan


...and from the controversial winner of a British poetry contest...

So you ride yourselves over the Fields and they make all those animal squeals and the Snatchers all know how it fee-he-he-he-he-he-heels to give dick to a prick.


From Ronnie Montrose:

It's been a long edge-occasion,
Butt, Sark's homework is buns,
He's gonna, Cock the nation,
He jus' wanna have . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ack, ack ack!!


...Shut you mouth

But I was talkin' 'bout Rag

We can did it

Who's the homo sex machine
takin' all the Snatchers up th' ass?


Damn right...


How 'bout some "Tubes":

Since teenage, gotta thing for the same kind Gave up gash for any dick he could find Wasted no time in any public restroom in LA Getting loose in the brown eye was his way.

On white chunks he chokes
Bambi lives for the dolly wood
Yanks himself 'til he gets enough rope
White chunks he chokes.


Mole Turr??

Sniffing on that Sark stench
Eying little boys with bad intent
Spotie's running down his bung.
Cheesy fingers smearing cumly dung
Oh Sarquadung

Prying into brown rutt
Watching as he friskly handles butt
Oh Sarquadung

Feeling like some dirt road
Spitting out pieces of his manly load
Oh Sarquadung


Another rendition for our honorable Captain Mudshark:

Seventy-three boy virgins to become his whores, Wrecked his computer to avoid the cops once more.

Sneaking about in his private Neverland, Slips up the back end with the middle finger of his right hand.

Ride, Slaptain ride, upon the mystery dick.
There can't be one from the Castro that you might have missed.
Ride, Slaptain ride, upon the mystery dick.
And when you're through it's your turn to get in the shit.


Here's one from Smellton John

Hey, kids, better start a runnin'
Something's in the air,
Tears flow like it's an onion.
You sure as hell don't wanta stick around.
You're gonna hear some rumblin'
Deep down from Bambi's vile bowwwwwels

Say get the fuck outa here!
Ewwww, can't you smell it yet?
B-B-B-B-B-Benner and his jets

Oh fresh air'd be wonderful
But it's gone for an hour or so.
He's got some killer fumes,
It clears all rooms
You can smell it a mile awaaaaaayyyyyy
B-B-B-B-B-Benner and his jets


Skynard anyone?


If shit on Snoid tomorrow
Will he ever take the lead?
For I might call Timpson a fuckface
There's so much shit for them to read
And if I write a rag on Harris
And say he licks my brown crack seat
But he's just some Snatchmail Freeloader And my posts he'll just delete O-O-O-O-O And my posts he'll just delete

I've found baby it's a sweet time
Writing crap about Brad Chance
But he just reads and then won't answer
So he can suck what's in my pants
And if I say that Voght's an asshole
His silence is awful strange
Cuz he's just some Snatchmail Freeloader And we know he'll never change O-O-O-O-O And we know he'll never change O-O-O-O-O Lord knows he can't change
Fuck lurkers they can't cha-a-a-a-a-a-ange.


With apologies to Roger Miller:

Evan's for sale or rent
Suck your dick, 50 cent
No teeth, just gums and lips
He'll even letcha move your hips

He blows old Snatchers he has found
Short, and very big around
He's a king of queens by all means
Drinkin' your load



I met him at a house
Down in Santa Rosa
Where the beer is Bud
And tastes just like something gross-a
G-R-O-S- gross-a

He walked up to me
And I asked him his name
And in some faggy voice
I heard him exclaim that it was Ilya
I-L-Y-A Ilya

He grabbed my dick
And gave it a lick
He fell to his knees
And me he'd please...

That's the way
That I wanted it to stay
Love Monkey's a fag
And a flamin' gay
I-L-Y-A Ilya


Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I gave the bone to a Mexican girl
Nighttime would find me upstairs in the cabin She'd get a liplock, and Doddrina would twirl

Blacker than night was the crack of Doddrina Wicked and evil, it emitted a smell A port in the storm was this Mexican maiden I wanted coitus, but in vain I could tell

One night a wild young cowboy named Schnack Gay as the West Castro wiiiiii-iiiinnddd Dashing and daring, some head he was getting From wicked Doddrina, the whore that I loved

So, in anger, I challenged his right
for the bung of the gummer
Down went his hand for his pants at his ankles My challenge was answered in less than a cumspurt The gay young stranger lay stuck to the floor.....


(cuntinued) As he lay waiting
to die from the cumspurt,
I saw in his eyes
a disturbing ordeal.

T'wasnt his gun
that he reached for in panick.
Only the string
to his popper do-da.

(new song)

Oh- yah, yah, yah
Oh mama-zita!

I wish he had told me
his zipper was stuck.
I wish he could take
a big fist up his butt.

Oh- yah, yah, yah
Oh mama-zita!

If only my cumspurt
was just off the mark
If only he had my
big dick in his mouth.


And now a little Ziggy...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chaance...his face is strange
Don't want to see his ugly maw now
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chaance...his face is strange
His wife would like a better man

Time may age it
But he's still a geek
I said that time may age it
But he's still a geek


OK, how 'bout a little schmaltz . . . . . a little B.M.:

Ohhhhhhhh, Bambi,
You come,
Then you leave
Without takin',
Yet Snoid cannot get away.

Ohhhhhhhh, Bambi,

In front spits your toy,
Then your ass shouts for joy,
Snoid's love foresaken,
Still he can't get away.


Ohhhhhhh, Bambi,
Some respect for Kent
Just after you're spent
Even if fakin',
Don't let Snoid slip away.


Ohhhhhhh, Bambi,
Just wipe off your rig,
On Snoid like the pig
You've been rakin',
And make some porkloin that way,
Oh, Bambi.

Benner, I don't know what dribbles more . . . . your dick, your mouth or your e-mails. Fuck Phir, though.



The Four Seasons Hit...

Gaaaaaaaarrryy's gay-yay-yay
Gary's gay
Gaaaa-ry won't you blow me tonight
Blow-blow. Blow me tonight.

You-ooo-oooo better ask your wi-ifee
Ask your wifee
Tell her you're just a closet queen
Just a fuckin' queen

Why don't you blow me?
Blow me...
With your red dress on
Blow me...
OOoo you look so fine
Blow me...
Move your hips so sleazy
I'm gonna give you that load of mine

Gaaaaaaaarrryy's gay-yay-yay
Gary's gay
Gaaaary won't you blow me tonight
Blow-blow. Blow me tonight.
Blow-blow. Blow me tonight.


How 'bout some Simon and Garfuckle?

Are you coming in Sark's derrier?
Bobby, Sage, Gross Gary in line.
Remember he who once has just been there
For once Paul was a twue wove of Bwian.


When I was done
And I packed school shit away
And it taught me
How NOT to work all day

I didn't mind
If they ragged on my time off
Or if they said
That I was just a foor

So I left there on June 9
With my lesson plans under my arm
My big-assed smile
And the book of grades

And I asked this Snatcher a question
And by way of firm reply
He said, "You're not the guy
Who wants to work on Monday."

So to my old headmaster
And to all you fuckin queers
Before the Snatch
I'd like to say my prayers

I don't believe you
You had the whole damn thing all wrong
We're not the kind
Who should have to work on Monday

Well you can shit-communicate me
On the computer screen each day
And have all the Snatchers
Harmonize these lines:

How'd you dare to tell me
That work is all there is
When that was just
An accident of life

I'd rather look around me
Fuck off each single day
And never deal with
All that working strife-i-i-ife

In your job and all your hours
You're a poorer man than me
As you lick your boss's boot
Fresh out of your big ass


This kinda brings to mind a song fer the trail....

Ooh say can you the dawns early lite,
What so proudly we dumped, in the cabin's, ol' shitter

In that moment we're lost, in the sounds of the fight,
Just to hear, the last grunt, when the MudShark hath cumeth,

Now the Dark Side grows loud, as we breach Phir's bunk,
To becume, what we are, the last bastion of Snatchers.


Hey Hackett...did they find your CDs? Maybe you forgot how we kept telling you to shove them up your ass. Perhaps we can get the Dicks-ease Chicks to cover this little ditty for ya.

Once there was a faggy doc
He reached around a tiny cock
His probe was sharp as a pointy stick...
And Hack soon felt the splooge of his dick!

Jellyyyy...Dr. Jellyfinger
Don't use no tools
But his probe sure lingers!

Jellyyyy...Dr. Jellyfinger
Forgot to wash
Gots a smelly finger!

Clabbage Home