Crabbage Snatch Open - Clabmas Calors 2003

Crabmas Carols from 2003

Snatchers,

Sing fortissimo not penissimo to Silent Night...and then go fuck yourselves.

Silent woods
Holy shit
Tent now shaking
Moans come from it
Round young rectum
Joogers are piled
Holy sphincter
So tender and wild
Sleep in the Castro with Steve
Sleep in the Castro with Steve

Sung to Hory Night,

O hory nite, the bitch is beaming blightry,
Tis cause she took all the load that I had...
Never a gulp, because she had it cuming,
And then she swarrowed like Rag on the binge...

Switching to Dummer Boy (Thibley),

And then he came upon a ratta ta ta, ratta ta ta, wad..
As she was frothing like a Slakmouth old fish, Slakmouth old fish, Slakmouth old fish..
Soon, there were too many who would join in the fun, join in the fun, join in the fun..
Now 'twas Cabin Boy's only Chance to get in, Chance to get in, Chance foreEEeplay.

Switching to Sirent Gurping (Blundt on Phir),

Sirent yu bitch, sirent yu bitch,
Or I'll stuff, this cum filled sock,
Up yur ass so far it will see rite,
Let me poke yu 'til moring's first rite.

Alltogether now (Marshall, Tommy, Bobby, and Rag - in that order), refrain (not likely),

What a foursome we almost had,
Butt, only a circle jerk 'til dawn.

Melly XMas all yu mudderlfuckers!!
Don't folget to reave a big pire undel yur tlee fol Santa!!

You figure out the toon:

Here cums Brandta Claws
Here cums Brandta Claws
Right up Bambi's lane
Fixin' to mix his
Jizz with shits in
Right up Bambi's lane

Scroat and Noshit lie together
Fingers dance out of sight
Hoping soon that they'll be ready
To play fairy with Brandta tonight.

Dingle Barrs, Dingle Barrs, Dingle all the way,
OooOOO what fun, it jiz tonight, to cum in Brandta's face.
Rick my Barrs, Rick my Barrs, suck my 'ol St. Dick,
Make me cum, and I'll be sure, to put you on Rag's list.

Dashing in and out, don't make a peep or shout,
OooOO what fun it jiz, please grab your sagging Jowls,
If you wake the mens, I'll jab it in so deep,
That you'll be talking Dick, while choking on my meat.

Say, Dingle Barrs, Dingle Barrs, now you've got the beat,
ooOO what fun, it jiz to cum, while spanking your white cheeks,
Don't forget, to swallow hard, cause Brandta's got soft meat,
And every year, I'll be back again, to test your sphinctor's strength.

Hey!

(gaily, drippingly off the tongue)

Gay king Brandtsafag,
liked to pick up queer men
Took 'smany as he could gag
'til his lips were bleedin'
Ne'er got off his knees
'Slong's there wads to swallow.
He'd blow Bjoink 'n Shark 'n Rag,
Til his face was caked with semen...

Bambi the brown nose stained queer
Had a very smelly nose
And if you ever saw it
Surely you'd see where it goes.

All of the other stained queers
Used to smile and call him names
Like Queenie, Jacko and Keeanu
And others that included "flames".

Then one groggy Snatch's eve
Brandta came in Bambi's face
"Bambi with your nose all white
Don't you dare put up a fight".

Now all the stained queers loved them
Dukey and the Gummer, too
They let Bambi and Brandta
Wallow all around in their goo.

W A L L O W A L L A R O U N D I N T H E I R GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Here's a classic...sing it with the kids on your lap. Try not to sport wood.

Go fist ye merry gentlemen
Let no cunt be the way
Remember Evan and Benner
They like the rectal play
To save chicks from
Their pencil dicks
They have gone astray
Oh widenings of sphincters and bung
Sphincters and bung
Oh widenings of sphincters and bung

Dave
ps Fairy Christmas!

Here's another classic. Try this in your church choir as you hold joogers and go caroling.

Dicks for Paul
He'd love your wally
Fa-la-la-la-laa-la-la-la-laa
Sucking cum
Sure makes him jolly
Fa-la-la-la-laa-la-la-la-laa
Dong him now
His gay apparant
Fa-la-laa-la-la-laa-la-la-la
Soon his bung
Will be a'tearin'
Fa-la-la-la-laa-la-la-la-laa

Here's a catchy little ditty. Sing it in church.

Oh, fuck Phir, fuck Phir, fuck Phir all the way
Oh what fun it is to fuck Phir
Fuck Phir, fuck Kerii-iig
Fuck Phir, fuck Phir, fuck Phir all the way
Oh what fun it is to fuck Phir
Fuck Phir, fuck Phir

Fucking Phil Phir
And fuck that Phil Phir
Fuck Phir again
Fucking Phir all the way
Fuck that fuck Phir
Fucking Phil Phir
What fun it is to fuck Phir
Fuck Phir, fuck Phir

Oh, fuck Phir, fuck Phir, fuck Phir all the way
Oh what fun it is to fuck Phir
Fuck Phir, fuck Kerii-iig
Fuck Phir, fuck Phir, fuck Phir all the way
Oh what fun it is to fuck Phir
Fuck Phir, fuck Phir!!!!!!!!

ps Fuck Phir

Here's another classic. Think of this one, while you're smearing PrepH on your inflamed hemorrhoids...

I'm working up a white Jizmas,
to hit Brandt with in the eye.
His loins will glisten
And you can listen
to hear him slurping as he blows.

May his bung be hairy and tight.
And may all his whimpering be quiet.

Nice Jingle Rag,

Butt, don't think for a moment you're off the hook. When you and the kids are working your way into those stockings on X-Mas, you'll have this great big frown and partial smile on your face as you reach in and feel a freshly laid mudshark waiting for you at the bottom depths of that well used sock of yours.

Now, it may or may not actually be there, butt, you'll be thinking of it just the same. So, if the kids ask you why you have that shit eating look on your face, you'll just have to say;

Jingle all the way....

Bro me

You guys are never gonna believe this. Over the weekend we went to a holiday concert at the Luther Burbank Center here in Santa Rosa. The Santa Rosa Symphony, Santa Rosa Youth Symphony and a local all-star choir of high school students all performed holiday music. Right after the second intermission they announced a surprise, guest performance by the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus and a gay choir called Chanticleer. They sang the attached song just like it's written, and seemed giddy and excessively jocular. I wonder when they got booked in Houston, or did Flodo stop in San Francisco during his last Snatch trip?

(Sung to the tune of "We Three Kings" employing the Cabin Boy Thibley affectation.)

VERSE:
Those three queens of whorient are
The Scroat, NoShit and Flodo the quaar.
Spewing fountains, manly mountin'
Buggering their brownstars.

PRE-CHORUS:
(Now sing this part like Bobbio)
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CHORUS:
Brownstar of plunder, brownstar all white
Gleaming cheeks spread far and wide.
Hokey pokey? Okie dokie!
Hide it in the ever night.

VERSE:
All about golf they'd have you think
Butt we all know it's pink into stink.
So sublime, two at a time
Don't let the brown eye blink.

PRE-CHORUS:
(Now sing this part like the Gummer)
OOOHHHHHHHEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, OOOHHHHHHHHEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH

CHORUS:
Take the clubs, and balls, and bags
Tie up the jowels so weary sag.
As they make it try to fake it
That they're not really fags.

(Now whisper like David St. Hubbins)
GOOD GIRL.

Okay, here's an up-tempo number. Imagine Marshall doing Michael Jackson.
Or vice versa.

Fuck Phir, fuck Phir, fuck Phir Bop.
Fuck Phir bang and fuck Phir bung.
Slammin 'n rammin the fuck Phir bore,
'til he asks for more...

Use some wet towels
'n some slack jowls,
to Bop until you come.

Fuck Phir time
Takes some big slime,
to bend him over 'n tear his rectum....

Grab my balls, Dodir bitch,
Wipe up the floor
We'll bone ya around the Snatch.

Jumpin n humpin
in the fuck Phir slop

That's the fuck Phir
That's the fuck Phir
That's the fuck Phir Bop!!!

We wish you would go fuck Phir,
We wish you would go fuck Phir,
We wish you would go fuck Phir,
And fuck Evan Too

We won't go until they get fucked,
We won't go until they get fucked,
We won't go until they get fucked,
So fuck them right now.

Good poundings we want
For Evan and Phil
Good poundings and fistings
And use a big dill

We wish you would go fuck Phir,
We wish you would go fuck Phir,
We wish you would go fuck Phir,
AAAAANNND FUUUUUUCK EVAAAAAAAAAAN TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sark's dreaming of a brown mudshark
Just like the ones he used to go,
With girth that glistens,
Makes eyes go mistin',
And corn placed neatly in a row.

Sark's dreaming of a brown mudshark,
With every mighty squeeze of cheeks,
Where his face needs moppin'
His veins are poppin',
And ev'ry room hangs heavy in its reek.

Sark's dreaming of a brown mudshark,
The kind that won him so much fame,
One for the ages,
Not dropped in stages,
And leaves his poopchute torched in flames.

Sark's dreaming of a brown mudshark,
But this time it's only just a dream
For it won't release cleanly tonight
Cuz' his ass is crammed full of Bambi's cream.

(sung to 'ol Kings favorite tune)

We three dicks in excrement are,
swallowing like mudsharks afar,
Always steaming, never creaming,
just to make Rag scream more.

OOooOOO, cum in one and cum in all,
Cum because its Rag's sweet tail,
Slightly used, but never torn,
he'll do when Brandt's not around.

Now cums Rag, a faggot at large,
pushing hard, with nothing to show,
Spank him smartly, 'til he swallows,
Then he'll be your favorite bitch.

OOoooOOO, Rag me not, you piece of shit,
Cum lay near and smell my shit,
Evan, if you want to brown'em,
just pretend, its not your dick.

We wish you a merry fuck-fest, we wish ou a merry fuck-fest,
we wish you a merry fuck-fest, and a sloppy new year.
Happy Fuck Phir Everybody!

How cum no one ever sings all the verses....

We wish you a merry fuck-fest, we wish you a merry fuck-fest,
we wish you a merry fuck-fest, and a sloppy new year.

Oh, give us some piggy pudding
Oh, give us some piggy pudding
Oh, give us some piggy pudding
and shove it up here.

We won't go until we all cum
We won't go until we all cum
We won't go until we all cum
In Bjoi-oink's rear door.

Mud slidings we give
to all who drop trou.
Mud sliding we give Brandt,
'cause he's an old whore....

As Tiny Timpson says, "Okay, fuck Phir, everyone!!!"

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