Crabbage Snatch Bantel - Book 3

what you rooking hele fol, foor? 6-Apr-2002

And then.....

Flinging himself onto the heaving mass, he lay still and silent...Each breath was as his own, butt, he could scarcely contain his excitement, for he knew the moment of surprise was behind him, as was most most of the crew during this leg of the journey. Alas, the huge organ began to quiver and shake, uncontrollably so, for the each of the crewmen's apendages were busy at work; stroking and soothing the emense beasty. Scarcely a man could look it square, knowing that at any moment, it could eat them whole, with it's scraggly bush top and wide, full, glistening steamy center and swollen muscular sides; appropriately shaven, of course. They all came to know it well, except Thibley who insisted on bringing up the rear...

to be continued...


Mr. Dunson: It's awful quiet tonight, Cooky.

Cooky: Yeah, sure 'tis, Mr. Dunson. S'too quiet, I says.

MD: Wall, go on over behind the buckboard yonder, 'n check on some of the men.

Cooky: Holy shits, Dukie, theys here, but theys jez lollin' around all slackmouth. What'd ye do to 'em, boss?

MD: I dunno. Ya'd think these pansies'd never seen the diseased lining of another cowpoke's asshole before!

Cooky: Lemme try reachin around 'n grabbin a coupla their thingys...


Nope, they ain'ts respondin', Dukie. Ya mightsta gones too far this time!

MD: Wall, I'm not gonna waste my time moanin' about it, Cooky. Why'dn'tya help me lash up some of their saggin' jowls with yer kerchief, 'n we cun load 'em up with jizzum before they come to. It'll be jez likes when we cleaned up after them floods hit Wichita in '89.

Cooky: I'll hold one of they heads here, fer ya. But be gentle on 'em, Dukie, they's catatonic, but theys mights be lurkin' jez below they's consciousness.

MD: Wall, if they are, then they'll be adreamin' of a cattle drive down the backs of their throats.

Cooky: Yer a cruel man, Dukie, yer a cruel man.



What's the deal? Are the Crabbage Boys just sitting there silently drooling down their shirtfronts, stunned into a catatonic state?

Did I go too far?

Maybe I should have held back an inch or two. Maybe I needed to sing to you a little. Was it too cut-and-dried?

Geez, Benner brings grainy videos of a gal taking a pig up the ass, and another one putting a lip lock on a Labrador, and "Oooh, It's important Swedish art!" Sarkisian sends out video downloads from his flexible sigmoidoscopy, and it's silence.

I couldn't have not sent them, now could I?

Come on. Just try a few keystrokes.

You just have to climb back on the old mule and ride it. Show it who's boss.

Sometimes, you have to play hurt.

That's the spirit!



OK! OK! Butt if you enlarge the picture in the lower left-hand corner it looks like Evan with his tongue hanging out. Maybe it`s his way of trying to get Seymour to come to the cabin this year.




Let's face it. You're a rectal god. For some wonderous reason you are able to crap twice your mass. The awe needs no explanation. In fact to explain it brings your holy colon down to a level of anal a Snoid's Colon level. Don't mistake our silence for honor. Please, Paul, we love your colon. Some, such as Benner, love it deeply.

From the bowels of my heart,


Dear Snatchers,

I just brewed a batch. Right now it's in the primary fermenter bubbling away. It will be ready for bottling in about a week and a half. A few weeks after that it'll be ready to drink EVERY FUCKIN' DAY OF SUMMER VACATION. Oh...sorry, I strayed a bit from this post's purpose. 48 bottles won't last TWO AND A HALF MONTHS!! Sorry again. Now why did I write...oh, it's Kelig's damned tasty recipe which has been called: Keligbrau, Shit-Face Ale, Sweetfingers Ale, and Flamin' Texan Ale. Any ideas for the new name? When it's ready, you guys are welcome anytime after 10 am-ONCE I FINALLY GET UP to enjoy it.


ps Mayseymoullegulgitateblad'sspoatiearrovelyoulugryfaces


How does "Hammer-Head Cock-Suckers Ale" strike you?
I thought so....
an the hoe you rode in on, too.


How 'bout....

Brown Nugget Bitter


Queen's Transom, "Climb aboard"


Pyle's Pilsner "Crack one open"

I don't know. I don't drink a lot of beer. It makes me nervous to be around you guys with froth on my upper lip. I don't know how Dave does it....



Dave - Did you ever see the "Rat Race"?

I suggest you call the latest batch "Prairie Dog Ale".



Now,,, let me get this right....

Dave is brewing a batch from the ancient BrewMaster's tabloid, a.k.a. Kelig's Bitchin' Blast...and you're nervous to be around the froth-lipped clan?

I am not touching this crap,,, literally. I remember Kelig's first experiments with a bottle at Cal,,,someone named Snoid put the 'shot heard round the world' of a fart into that bottle. Then Kelig pawned it off as home brewed gas for an 'A+' in chemistry class. Sound familiar??

Dave, you gotta check your sources better...and check those bottles for residue. Remember, Blundt Brew is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna git.

PS - I may have contributed to that bottle, can't recall fully, but I swear someone using dark lipstick got there first. Snoid?


Hey, how about "Headless Brown Stout"? Or whatever else might be overflowing into the Napa River at flood stage? Or perhaps "Snoid's Famous Streak" (along with all of the other fourth floor Putnam studs)?

Seventh floor wienies need not apply...

The Snoidster


My vanity forces me to remember a certain very ripe banana, soaked in Yucca Dew shampoo, dexteriously swung through a third floor dorm window from the fourth floor above...

But let me think. As I recall, it was a Heineken bottle. The lip of which was well worn, er, I mean used, er, I mean abused, er, I mean, I can't really recall the situation at all. I do vaguely remember Mr. Kelig requesting a gas spectrometer test that came out blank because SOMEONE had allowed all the pent up gases to escape. Or else SOMEONE sucked out those noxious methane based fumes. But seriously, other than that, I can't recall a thing about the incident. Matter of fact, I don't even think it ever happened. After all, sometimes my kids read this stuff so I have to hide the incriminating evidence. The boss already knows I'm ruined, which is why the hefty life insurance policy.

You just never know..... Maybe that's why she keeps sending me up to the Crabbage Open year after year with Rich and Paul driving! Oh mannnnnn, I think I just figured it out! I better get out of here.

Snoid has left the building (by the back door of course)



It's not too late to enter the "Name Kelig's Beer" contest.

Here are a few entries: Prairie Dog Ale (Gardiser), Hammer-Head Cock-Suckers Ale(Bambi), God bless you(Cabin Boy), Brown Nugget Bitter, Queen's Transom"Climb aboard", Pyle's Pilsner "Crack one open"(Cap'n Mud), Totar Beer-do(fierd)

I was thinking about "Asswipe that works for some fuckin energy company that raped California's budget surplus thereby taking my API bonus money, which would've been huge because our school kicked ass on the standardized tests last year, to pay for some goddamn energy suit's villa in Aruba-oh and, by the way, he's a totar dodir Ale"



...Hilts? Ya mean up under yur kilts, ya flamin' Scottsman. Aye,,we've not heard such a flap o'er a stank, foul smellin' piece 'o air since Rhag let loose on that salted pork under midships. An jest ta set the record straight, Snoid was cleanly shaven fur the event.



add this slogan: "Release yourself from the frustrations of your day"

Filst attempt to palticipate in bantel: M & E Field of Dreams, Night Cream Ale (don't gulp)


Hey, Asshole! What the HELL was that last Burrrshit....Tommie..

No,,,you couldn't leave your 'maiden' entry alone.

You had to add that last crap in the bowl, didn't you?

And, you were doing so great with the Night Cream Ale...remember, just finish strong.. NOT like you did last night..and definitely NOT like you did at the last Crabbage..

Butt, don't take this personal, we can take all the left over yeast and froth from the brew batch and bottle it with your own moniker..Butt Cream Ale...TH..


Dong Lickers Lite....DongonTongue Blond...Brandts Backend Bock...Penis'n'anus - a true Black and Tan...Thibly's cum dripping from Seymore's sore, scab covered ass after Hackett's already been there twice and left him bleeding Ale.


As usual, Marshall has left the Field behind; staggering, bewildered, unable to fully comprehend the magnitude of the genious at play, nor his intimacy with the subject at hand. The ol' gummer. Sorry, Tommie, it had to cum out sometime.. (bottle?).. jest go quietly to the corner and beat off a while. An' in the mornin', we'll all love ya boy.



That's not froth it's the results of your latest head bobbing exercise!!!!

Calm down Bambi......


Hoo boy, Enron did rape y'all, the truth is cumming out now. That'll teach ya to mess with the free market - get a bunch of fucking legislators together who don't know dick about markets, slap together a bunch of arbitrary rules, and I'll find a way ta bang ya, papa. And of course, since I don't work for those fuckers, it ain't me babe (though perhaps if we'd have thought of it first...).

What the fuck, I'll cash in a few thousand shares of Enron stock and buy one of you a beer at PacBell.

You think you got it bad. Wait til the Hawaiians try to buy gasoline two years from now.



You know, other men who had been marooned by the British Navy alone on a guano-encrusted island off the Falklands since 1982 would show more signs of wear and stress.

But the ordeal hasn't changed you a bit! Sure, you've grown quite fond of penguins (I thought they were all cute, but I guess you've come to be more discriminating). And, you get that nervous tic whenever anyone mentions Argentina.

But overall nothing could smother that warm and magnanimous camaraderie of yours. And you are always filled with a gay joie de vivre.

If you can get yourself back to the Snatch, we'll see to it that Marshall gives you a blow job.

Least we can do.



You know, Shark, the problem with the blimey Britt is that the trip o'er in the SSNatch is a bit much to bear. I mean, 'es becum intimately familiar with the salted pork amidships an' none too keen on leavin' anytime soon. May his compass always bear true north an' his socks keep 'es pocket change warm. Aye...a good stiff eye is what 'e' I'm jest the one ta gives it to 'im. We'll have 'im soon forgettin the ol' pork.

HeeHaw...Flamin' Britt's and Bangers delight..the Crabbage nears!!


Girls, here's the list. Pick your top 3 by number.

1) Prairie Dog Ale (Gardiser)
2) Hammer-Head Cock-Suckers Ale(Bambi)
3) God bless you(Cabin Boy)
4) Brown Nugget Bitter, Queen's Transom "Climb aboard"(Cap'n Mud)
5) Pyle's Pilsner "Crack one open"(Cap'n Mud)
6) Totar Beer-do(Evan)
7) Blandt Kan Suk Mi "A stiff one with a big creamy head" (Kelig)
8) Dong Lickers Lite(Malsharr)
9) DongonTongue Blond(Malsharr)
10) Brandt's Backend Bock(Malsharr)
11) Penis'n'anus - a true Black and Tan(Malsharr)
12) Thibly's cum dripping from Seymore's sore, scab covered ass after Hackett's already been there twice and left him bleeding Ale (Malsharr)
13) M & E Field of Dreams, Night Cream Ale (don't gulp) "Release yourself from the frustrations of your day" (Tommy)
14) BAARFBREW since we all know Kelig sucks and never swallows!!!!(Fucking Seymour)
15) TARTBREW" (Seymour)
16) Headless Brown Stout"(Snoid)
17) Snoid's Famous Streak (Snoid)
18) Asswipe that works for some fuckin energy company that raped California's budget surplus thereby taking my API bonus money, which would've been huge because our school kicked ass on the standardized tests last year, to pay for some goddamn energy suit's villa in Aruba-oh and, by the way, he's a totar dodir Ale (Blandt)
19) Anklegrabber Ale (Blandt)
20) Houston Hork (Blandt)
21) Conoco Cocksucker (Blandt)



Three reasons: 1 - It doesn't suck much worse than any of the others.
2 - It's Tommy's first at-bat, and we want to "get him on base" before the thickest wad of the batting order cums up.
3 - It rolls off the tongue a better than "Thibly's cum dripping from Seymore's sore, scab covered ass after Hackett's already been there twice and left him bleeding Ale", although not by much.

Cap'n Slapp'n


This hard butt #4, #7 & #21.


1. Hammer-head Cocksuckers Ale, the all encompassing brew
2. Brandt's Backend Bock, A Cloverdale favorite, everyone's had it!



Here's my pick, but first of all, fuck that asswipe who works for that energy company in Texas too since I didn't get my bonus or raises either (Sorry Phil). Therefore, I choose number 18. I know it's a long name, but maybe you can shorten it. How about Texas Buttfuckers.



Actually, Paul, there is some crabbage banter to support that Tommy has already been to first, second, third, and some say even home on more than one occasion. Butt, a first showing is a good sign, even if a bit limp and bloody at the stock. Good work, Tommie! (And, foock that bitch Seymore you rode in on, too).

My top pick goes to the veteran warhorse that she is (Malshall) - # 8 - why? Tastes great AND less filling!



OK...what part of TOP 3 don't you get? That would be 3 choices. Like Sarkisian can choose his top 3 favorite cabin activities: 1) Lay a hulking cable 2) Have Bambi pound it back in with his fist and 3) Lay a huge fuckin cable again. See? 3 choices. Or there is Hackett's top 3 groups: 1) Indigo Girls, 2) Winona, 3)Bjork.

Why is it that Vought is the only one that can count to three? Oh, yeah, there is that 3 inch dick he flops (is that really the right word?) when he pees.


OK,,,OK,, Then I'll have to add these write-in's:

#22) "Scrotum's Nest - Pale Ale"


#23) "Amber's Fist" (in honor of said documentary wherewith excluded).

BenHard (please)


I go for 8 (nice cock ring to it), 10 (nice "everyone's had it" add by M. Parshall), and of course my personal favorite and fondest hope, 7.

18 is DQ'ed since I'm sure your school did what the Texass schools did - quietly lowered the pass mark. Isn't number 3 supposed to be "All the best!" or some such gay shit? All the others deserve their day, though I must admit I find #17 oddly disturbing.


Hey buddy (and I say that in the fondest sense of the word),

Do you want a piece of this (#17)? It's easy to do, I could show you how. Kind of an Arts and Crafts kind of thing...

The Snoid (said to the tune of 'Da Bears')


Sorry guys about the misprint - Texas Buttfinger - is the right spelling and the pronunciation is up to you. Someone do Phirr a favol and purr his fist out of his ass. There ain't no fishing permitted up there anyway. And, what the hell where you thinking of for bait? A lemon cookie? Never mind...

Mud Sharks are territorial, butt, you already knew that...


Sometimes, the simplest body plans are the best. You can get a pretty tenacious grip just from some suckers and hooks. Let the nutrients come to you, I say.

You want kids? Just burst one of your gravid segments, releasing a couple of hundred thousand eggs. Get them out into the water supply, and forget about it. Have someone else's intestines raise 'em for you.

You think I'm a public health menace? Fuck that. Look at Brant! If it was me up Marshall's ass, he'd be able to carry on for months. Maybe years. Worst thing would happen, he'd lose a little weight.

I don't even have a fist.

I'm sorry, I got off the subject. We were talking about names for beer.....



here be da results, ladies.............

Da winner be...........

Hamerhead Cocksucker Ale

I think you bitches be ever so on the mark...let's think... Kelig be Hammerhead...Kelig be cocksucker. The only thing you didn't say was Houston Homo Ale. Thankya... thankya...thankya...Now get ya sorry asses ready fo da Snatch! Halbach...Report, ya BMW ridin' gayboy...Schnack...Report!, ya lanky piece o' gay splooge...Sarkisian...put yer tongue up some other place than Bambi's ass!! Seymour...oh ya queen, ya think Polk Street can't find ya there in NY??? Gardiser you be suchapoofda, Vought...Evan loves ya...OUCH!! Malsharr...canyasuckoffsomorebankerwanker (there's a beer name "Marshall's Banker Wanker Ale)??? Chance...oh, fuck off! Hackett...can you be more thweet? Thibley...get that fuckin' cock outa yermouth...Snoid, can ya suck more? Yeah I saved yer ass once inda shower...heluva sangria bash!!!! Bobby, why the fuck has this porf been spared???? Can ya start spankin 'im???? Clip his ass ya fuxx.

Yeah I mighta' missed mentionin' (for example who the fuck cares about Lodwig???) ya bitch butt I promise I be ready to welcome ya ta da Snatch and ya bloody well better be ready to get ya invite in ya box!!!!!

Oh I be moist!!!!!




Houston, TX (Wanker News Service)--

A Houston oil executive's strange behavior revealed a bizarre cult and snarled traffic in downtown Houston for hours on Monday afternoon.

A man being referred to as "Dodir" stood upon the ledge of the fourth floor of an office building with his trousers at his ankles. Sporting at best what could be called "a little wood", he flogged upon the pink member for some ninety minutes to attract a crowd. Watchers below could hear him saying "fly away Peter, fly away Paul" and "I'm on the finger-tip ledge of contentment".

In addition to the usual macabre part of humanity drawn to such an event, even scarier was a group of brown stained, uniformed men who arrived in formation and marched through the throng to take up a position immediately below Dodir. Ostensibly led by a Captain Paul "Dirty Sanchez" Mudd, the men began shouting encouragement to Dodir. Identified by a sloppy, thin mustache emitting the odor of, well, shit, Captain Dirty Sanchez loudly proclaimed the name of his following "The White Ducks". When questioned further, he named what he called (and spelled, for emphasis) his "cumpatriots" as Kirk "Gak" Schnack, Rich "Bambi" Benner, Kent "Snoid" Emmons and Tom "Tartarsauce" Gardiser. When pressed regarding the purpose of their organization Captain Diry Sanchez replied "The Final Solution of the White Ducks is the permanent eradication and extermination of homosexuals and their deviant behavior. Their zero to our power of one equals nothing at all."

Obviously, the eery similarity between the White Ducks and the German SS of World War II is inescapable. Publicly castigate the impure, incarcerate them, and then while helpless secretly subject them to the very activities for which they are condemned. The Germanic surnames of the brown stains was not lost on this reporter. The idea for the cult was formulated, according to Captain Dirty Sanchez, on a hot night in Budapest.

The four aligned themselves below Dodir and chanted "you can goo, you can goo, you can"! Grabbing his balls, Dodir replied "I don't know, I'm rather bloddy and I can hardly roll my stones." "But I painted my shoes up with polish just for this" retorted Gak. To which Dodir responded, "Alright, I'll see if I can jack on the green".

Looking below, the four immediately took up a postion on a small patch of lawn nearby. Moments later, Dodir showered them below. They jockeyed for postion among themselves, trying to catch the flying wads like little boys taking popcorn and popping them in their holes. Bambi easily out muscled the others, and after gathering in a number in succession shouted "Three flies up!" Dejected, Tatarsauce muttered "Oh well, it was a new day yesterday, but it's an old day now." Snoid reacted angrily by saying "I thought there was a reason for waiting", to which Gak responded "hey, nothing is easy." Meanwhile, Captain Dirty Sanchez said nothing while flies at his nostils plundered. Just then another shot landed in Gak's eye, sending him to the emergency room. He was treated and released and would not be blinded, and was instructed by his doctors to keep an open eye. As he left the hospital he was heard to say, "Well, one our of three ain't bad."

Upon learning of the disturbance, President Bush immediately summoned his chauffer and ordered him to drive from Crawford to Houston. Plowing under numerous small, symbolic white crosses along the way, the President arrived and forged his way to the front of the throng. He shouted up to Dodir "How about a little chin music for the Commander in Chief?" Dodir shouted back "I can't, I just played that song from my wood." The President replied "you can't be stopped by so small a problem" as Dodir put his hair back in his pouch.

Frustrated, the President ordered his chauffer, "Aw, forget it, let's go down to the park and watch the frilly panties run".

Eventually, Dodir was coaxed down from the ledge. When asked why he threatened his life in such fashion he said that he was despondent over learning of a conspiracy. A conspiracy to rig the teams at an upcoming golf tournament, a rigging which would put him in a foursome with someone named Dave Brandt.

Inquiries revealed that Dodir was known among co-workers as Phir Kelig. Another Germanic name. Further investigations, however, exposed that his true identity is Phillipe du Guano, a French mercenary who took the money, dropped his gun and then went AWOL in the conflict in the Ivory Coast. When confronted as to his true identity and history he responded flatly, "Just living in the past".




Salinas, CA - Large animal veterinarian and volunteer librarian, Robert Eggleston, V.D., reported to health authorities a splurge of troubling cases showing up in a wide variety of domestic animals that he has treated recently.

Theorized to be related to Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis (also known as Mad Cow Disease) the disorder apparently affects the anus of afflicted animals. It is characterized by swelling and tearing of the rectal tissues, as well as the presence of sticky white exudiea dripping down the hind legs. Dr. Eggleston reports that he first became aware of the disorder, when he noticed that so many of the animals he was treating for other problems became agitated whenever he approached them from the rear with a rectal thermometer or gloved hands.

The disease is caused by the virus, Colonoriptus bambii. So far, the disease has been found in cattle, swine, horses, dogs, cats, chickens, waterfowl and lop-eared rabbits.

Over the vocal protestations of local ranchers, the Center for Disease Control (CDC), has clamped down on the transport of live animals and animal products from any Central California agricultural counties. Periodic outbreaks of this in previous years had been confined to communities along Highway 4 in Calaveras County, and only in early October.

Spokesman for the American Cattleman's Association, Kirk "Rip" Schnack, said, "Hell, two thirds of my herd gots swoled up butts, 'n stuff a drippin' down they legs. Why don't y'all just eat me!"

The CDC also set up inspection stations on roadways leaving the city and county of San Francisco, fearing that this outbreak is related to the the appearance of the virus that causes Stinky Gerbil Syndrome in that city. That disease, also known as SGS, recently caused the incapacitation of local photographer and activist Thcott "C.B." Thibley last month. Although he will find it painful to bend over for a few months, Thibley is reportedly in good spirits.


Was that a haiku Bambus Dicksamus....perhaps thou wantus to speakith inth the tongue of the greatest of all tongues, Romanus Shibleysuckthus,or maybe it's just the tongue of Cabin Boyus Erectus you favor. Be careful for Fuckus Keligus has squired the young boy and maketh him to stroke his schlonguth. Sarkasis Fullassiss has also been known to ply the hapless cabin knave with grogus semenis and tales of the Turd Wars in exchange for coloncleanus. Ah, but what of Knaveness Ragus and his Brundtus Bentoverus...hath they been sighted anywhere but in the buttus of Castrothus Hackettus, oh how the legions miss them, so softanus and creamius....


Marshallus Tictus Erectus

Praise be humpethed upon thee. Thou hath spaketh with the widsom of the sages, yea, even though thou art the simplest of fools.

For we shalt all have our way unto the bowels of Tototorus Dodirrius, that we might begat a nation of angry brown fishes.

Yea, for our loins hungereth for that upon which we canst not layeth even our own eyes.

And truly art Rhaggus Chingaderae the concubine of Brundtus, and a harlot for many men.

Lo, and behold, for mine old email worketh again. And I shalt useth not mine Yahoo to bantereth unto thee. For even Romanus Thibleysuckthus hath fallen unto his knees, and hath taken mine Yahoo unto his mouth, yea, like a suckling shoat upon the sow.

Bitchus Sarkisianus


Bitchus Sarkianus,

Marshallus Negitphallus speaketh well- surprising seeing thust his mouth be laden most frequently with issues from many of the Snatchtarian Guard.

Castrothus Hackettus hath indeed bettered our most hallowed Temple of the Crab but such will be lost as he defiles it anon with thine presence- verily as he hath earlier defiled our sacred trophy.

Voghtus Comb-Overus shall soon lead his legion with help from Fuckus Keligus and secure yon Temple with sodomonial rituals as was taught by Harrus Cansukkus.

I bid you Pini Orallus,

Brundtus Bentoverus



I assume we are to read your closing in the Europa manner, and that your name is really Bentoverus Brundtus.

The Gristening Roin Legions


Tototorus Dodirrius,

Leave not the counsels of Bitchus Sarkisianus and Marshallus Tictus Erectus to lay waste like the sediments of Atlantis, or the buttressed pearls Siezerus Bobbio. Emblazon upon the rocks of the Snatchotorium their words. Findeth a link that is more than the meagerest linguica that tickles the back of your throat.


Rhaggus Chingaderae,

No, no . . . that's Whaggus Chwingahdeyway


Rhaggus Chingaderae
Head of Gristening Roin Legions,

Praise to Jupiter and Uranus as you return from glorious campaign at Meadowmont. Be of no doubt -the countless white orbs thou hast left behind on trips prior kept the path well markedth. Our massive campaign is underway and all have been served thine marching orders- save one...Psychois Diklippus.

Chokus Onmycummus,


Ah, but what of Fiskcumulus Fingerlickus, the keeper of equus, breeder emeritus, slatherer of the long schlong, guyus that stickus the equine prickus in the smelly mares vaginus...word has it that he and his stablemate Sheepus Donttalkus have embarked on a mission to Havatugonthis in search of Sarkassis Fullassis and Fuckus Keligus in hopes of solving the mystery surrounding why the horses at Breakwindus Farms are suffering from coitus nothappeningnus. After many stops along the way for Fiskcumulus to "relieveus his selfus", in the softanus and creamius Sheepus, he approached the palace of Fullassis to seek answers to his delimnanus. "Hark, I cometh spent of my zenith to beg your Fullassis indulge me in song and then helputh me prontous, that is, when you have finished Fuckus Keligus, Receiver Mostus of Semenus"......

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